he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
