I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
