I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Im part way to drunk.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
