I look better un-naked...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
