i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
