mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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