Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
