I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
