You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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