I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
