My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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