3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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