She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
