hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
