I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
