Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
