The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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