He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
