ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
