Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
