Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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