im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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