I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
