you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
