dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
