in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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