Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
