did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
