he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Randomize
