If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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