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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?

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• (646): View more from New York

  I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.

  (347): View more from New York

  And what brought this epiphany?

  (646): View more from New York

  I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  we need to stop having unprotected sex.

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn

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• (516): View more from New York

  The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol

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