my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
