i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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