I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
