In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
