Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
