I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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