My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
