so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
