I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
