my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
