I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
this just has baby written all over it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
