If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
