You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
