I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
