I think my vagina is haunted
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
