This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
