the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
