I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
