textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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