so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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